Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
