there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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