very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I am one with the molecules
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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