i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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