So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
