This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize