I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
