i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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