Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
