school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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