i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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