u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
