Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
