There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
