There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
