Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
