she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
