At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
