My friends, they love my intelligence
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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