Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
