you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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