note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
