so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
