Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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