Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
