i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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