I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
