why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
