Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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