Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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