Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
