We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
