I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
