Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
