i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
