I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
