I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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