I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
