She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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