Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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