I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
