you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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