i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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