she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
