shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
