I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
