I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize