After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
