btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
