i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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