Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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