i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize