if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
