Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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