guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
