You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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