Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
