i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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