It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
