How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
