We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
