This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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