Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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