I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize