My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
