So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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