i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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