You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
