dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
