I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Pants are for mortals
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
