Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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