Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
