Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
