i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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