I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
