She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
