I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize