I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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