so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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