He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
the gays at disneyland are vicious
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
