I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Randomize
