At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
