When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
