I'm lost and stupid without you.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
