the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
