I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
