in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
