Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
