drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
