Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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