After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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