I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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