I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My ATM looks so different sober.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
