I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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