I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
