I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
